Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
