If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You're completely useless in the revolution.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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