They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
