I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
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You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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