I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
