She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
