I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
