Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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