I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
