im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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