its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
