There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
