I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
