But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
