i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
