the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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