Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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