Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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