its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
