Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
