This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
