Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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