dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
