Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
