I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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