so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
