Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
