So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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