Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
