Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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