the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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