I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
