saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They have beer where we have blood.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
