Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
