Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
