Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
