Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
