nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
