don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
