return my video game
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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