I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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