I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
