just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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