i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
