Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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