I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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