Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
