Kiss
Puke
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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