I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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