do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
