Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
