She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
