I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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