Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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