yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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