Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
