bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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