I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
