i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
