You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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