did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
