I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
