Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
