It's Friday. Sex?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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