No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
