so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I want is dick and wine.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
