I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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