I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
