Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
