if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
