I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
