pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
