Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
