You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
