Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
