Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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