He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize