I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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