i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
