so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
