my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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