I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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