3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
